No Guarantees
by lionesseyes13
Summary: While taking an infant back to the Temple for training, Obi-Wan reaches an uncomfortable truth about life and about his relationship with Qui-Gon.


Author's Note: This was written because I was tired of studying for my Art History Exam, and I needed a break. If you squint at it, it is kind of a sequel of sorts to Wonder, but I think it makes sense on its own, too.

Reviews: Reviews make me feel loved. Believe it or not, you want me to feel loved, because I can't go home from college until Friday, and you don't want me to go into my exams feeling underappreciated. (There. I think that is enough emotional blackmail for now.)

Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars, I would be rich enough that I wouldn't need to attend college, so it goes without saying that I don't own Star Wars.

No Guarantees

Another wail pierced through the sleeping quarters of the Republic cruiser that was traveling at lightspeed back to Coruscant, and Obi-Wan sighed and rolled out of his sleep couch. The Force-sensitive infant Saia Darhina had awoken for the fourth time tonight, and she apparently was determined that nobody else on board the ship would get any sleep if she couldn't. Of course, he didn't really blame her for crying all the time like this. After all, yesterday her parents had given her up to the Jedi, but she was much too young to comprehend this. Her instincts still told her that her mother or father would still come if she cried loudly enough. She didn't understand that the Jedi were her only family now.

Deciding that if he couldn't sleep through Saia's wails and the light Qui-Gon had switched on when he went over to Saia's crib to comfort her as best he could, Obi-Wan joined his Master, who had picked up the baby girl and was rocking her in his arms. As he looked up at his Master, Obi-Wan noticed that the man had an almost wistful expression on his face. The sight of Qui-Gon cradling Saia prompted Obi-Wan to burst out, "Master, have you ever been curious about your parents?"

The words that tumbled out of his own mouth astonished him, for he had never intended to say them. He had been thinking a great deal about parents ever since he and Qui-Gon had arrived on Saia's homeplanet three days ago, and he had first seen how Saia's parents sang to her, crooned nonsense words to her, and played with her while her older siblings made her coo at the funny faces they made. This was only the second time he had been involved with taking an infant back to the Temple for training. The first time with O-Lana, or Lana as she was now referred to as, had been different. Kegan had been a planet that Obi-Wan hadn't been sorry to leave, and there was no question that Lana would be happier as a Jedi than on a planet that was struggling to catch up with the modern galaxy.

However, Obi-Wan couldn't be so sure that the same could be said for Saia. Saia had loving parents and siblings. She had been born on a peaceful, wealthy world to a family that could afford to provide for her, and she could have lived an ordinary life that so many found fulfillment in. She could have attended school with normal children, gotten a typical office job, married, and eventually settled down to have a family of her own. Her life would have been very different and less exciting, but he couldn't say that it would have been inferior. Maybe Saia wouldn't have wanted an exciting life if she had been given the chance to pick, and if she wasn't chosen as a Padawan, she might not be very happy in the Agri-Corps.

All of it was enough to make Obi-Wan wonder why his parents had given him up and what life they had made the decision to sacrifice for him. He also couldn't help but ask himself stupid questions like if he had any siblings, if he resembled his father, and if he had his mother's warped sense of humor. Blast it all, the mission to test Saia for her potential as a Jedi should have been an easy one, but, of course, he had to turn it into a challenge by allowing it to raise a million questions he would rather not ruminate upon at any length.

"Yes." Qui-Gon's deep voice intruded on his musings. "I suppose I have, yes."

Slowly, Obi-Wan nodded, absorbing this. Then, he pressed, "Do you know anything about your parents at all, Master?"

"Well, I've been told many times that whoever they were, at least one of them must have been really tall." Qui-Gon chuckled as he dodged the fist that Saia thrust at his nose.

Obi-Wan grinned at the baby's antics as his eyes roamed up and down his Master's towering frame and he replied dryly, "I would say that is a safe bet."

"Are Jedi supposed to gamble, my young apprentice?" Qui-Gon clucked his tongue with mock-severity.

"I think we gamble every day, Master." Obi-Wan shrugged, choosing to take the question at face value. "It's part of living."

"Yes, that's true." His eyes shadowing, Qui-Gon nodded as he tucked Saia, who had drifted off to sleep back into her crib. "Nothing in life is guaranteed: not next year, not tomorrow, and not even an hour from now. Yet, each of us, Jedi or not, has to live each moment to the fullest and find joy where we can. You're wise beyond your years, Padawan."

Obi-Wan flushed lightly at the praise as he and Qui-Gon made their way back to their sleep couches. "Do you think our parents missed us when we were brought to the Temple?"

"Yes, I'm sure that your parents missed you very much, and I am positive that they miss you still," Qui-Gon answered, his eyes soft as he looked at his apprentice over the space that divided their sleep couches. "They only gave you up because they knew that you were destined for something special—something more. That's why they made the noble, selfless decision of sacrificing their own delight at seeing their baby mature for the good of the rest of the galaxy. When they gave you up, they offered the Jedi the greatest gift a parent can: their child."

"Maybe." Obi-Wan couldn't keep the dubiousness out of his tone. "Or maybe they were poor and couldn't wait to get rid of me so they would have one less body to clothe and one less mouth to feed."

"In that case, they would have chosen to give you to the Jedi, because they recognized that they could not provide for you as the Jedi could," returned Qui-Gon. "Their decision would have been made for your benefit. Again, they would be sacrificing their own happiness for someone else."

"Unless they didn't want me," Obi-Wan muttered, averting his eyes. It was the thought that had haunted him ever since he started thinking about parents when he had first laid eyes on Saia being cuddled in her mother's arms. He was afraid that nobody wanted him. Not his parents. Not the Jedi. Not Qui-Gon…

"You are wanted, Obi-Wan, never doubt that," Qui-Gon announced, his voice oddly husky, and Obi-Wan wondered how much of his thoughts the man had sensed.

"I dreamed about my parents last night and the night before that, Master," Obi-Wan murmured.

"Dreams pass in time." The faint smile that curved the edges of Qui-Gon's lips suggested that he comprehended all too well the elusive solace that could bring.

"I didn't want this dream to pass, Master," admitted Obi-Wan, his cheeks flaming as the pain and longing for parents and family flared inside him. "I wanted to wake up and have it be real. I know that our lives belong to the Force and we were born to be Jedi, but it's a lonely life, don't you think?" He tilted his head toward the only father he had ever really known.

"I'll always be there for you, Padawn," Qui-Gon reassured him. "You'll never need to be lonely."

"There are no guarantees, though, are there, Master?" Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed as he spotted the flaw in this statement.

"No, there are no guarantees," agreed Qui-Gon heavily.

After that, Obi-Wan flipped over on his sleep couch, uncomfortable with the truth, even though that was hardly a Jedi reaction. Then, he could only lay there, unable to fall asleep, as he contemplated the frailty of life and how there were no guarantees for anyone in the whole galaxy. It was only as Saia cried out again and Qui-Gon rose to pacify her that it occurred to him that, although there were no guarantees, there were still comforts and joys to be found in life.


End file.
